Section I - What Is That, Exactly, From Which the Change-Steps Come?
The client's side of the change process has usually been discussed in relation to the question: Exactly to what, in the client, should the therapist respond? The usual answer was "the feeling," but that term can be confusing.
No, it is not exactly "the feeling", although responding to that is in the right direction. We want to respond to that in the client from which change steps come. Let me therefore ask instead: What is that, in the client, from which change-steps come? That is not exactly "feeling", certainly not the familiar and identifiable feelings. Change steps come rather from an unclear "edge," a "sense" of more than one says and knows.
We now call such an unclear edge a "felt sense." Since it is felt, we need to be precise about how does it differs from the usual, clear and recognizable feelings.
Two Differences Between Feelings and Felt Sense: Felt Sense is Unclear and Less Intense.
For example, a client may feel angry and say why. In an effective therapy process that would "open up" and further steps would arise. But suppose the client says: "I'm angry, I told you why, and that's all. Nothing further comes." Let us say the therapist has responded to the anger and its reasons. What exactly is not happening?
When therapy works, certain steps of process would come here. Do they come from the feeling of anger, exactly? Many therapists think so. They lead their patients to feel such an anger more and more intensely. They assume that process-steps come from feelings, so the anger must not have been felt sufficiently. But people often have the same feelings over and over, quite intensely, without change-steps coming.
For example, the change steps might be:
C: (silence)... (breath)... ,feels sort of heavy.... like it wants to stay angry...
T: something there wants to stay angry.
C: Mhm... (silence)... Oh (breath)... yah... if I stop being angry I won't do anything about it... yes... I'd love to just say it's OK and not have to cope with the situation. I've done that so often.
These steps did not come exactly from the feeling of anger. Rather, the "heavy" quality is what opens into these steps. That heavy quality is the felt sense. More intensity of anger would not bring it up. The heavy quality is not as strong as the anger.
The felt sense is less intense than the ordinary feelings. Without quiet concentration one may lose hold of it. From a felt sense very intense feelings can come, but the felt sense itself is less intense.
People change through feelings they have not consciously felt and expressed before. More intensity of familiar feelings does not bring change. People often feel and strongly express repetitious feelings, yet process-steps do not come.
The steps of change and process do not come directly from the recognizable feelings as such.
They come, rather, from an unclear, fuzzy, murky "something there", an odd sort of direct datum of awareness. But most often there is no such datum at first, when people turn their attention inward. Typically one finds the familiar feelings and no indefinable sense.
One person describes it this way: "For a long time I could not find that unclear 'sense.' I would pay attention to emotions but they seemed to be just what they were, clear and obvious, and felt in my body. The breakthrough about this came when I began to notice that the emotions had more to them. An analogy: If the emotion were a triangle with smooth edges and fixed angles, the felt sense appears when I look more closely and find that a cloudy shape sticks out from behind the triangle."
Once they have it, people say the unclear sense "was" there, all along, but not noticed. Before, however, it simply was not there. Its first coming is a striking event in its own right.
The Difference Between the Usual Body Sensations and a Felt Sense of Something in One's Life.
While people think of a problem, or have troublesome feelings, they are usually uncomfortable in their bodies. But, although the feelings may be physically experienced, they are not this bodily discomfort as such.
If during a strong feeling someone is asked to attend to the stomach and chest, to "see if you are comfortable there," the unease which comes there is quite different from the feeling.
This bodily unease turns out to be less intense and not as rough on the person as the strong feeling.
There is typically also an odd sort of gratitude which comes from this bodily discomfort, as if "it" were thankful for one's attention.
About half or a third of people have difficulty attending directly to the comfort/discomfort in the middle of their bodies. They do not sense the middle of the body from inside. That seems strange to those who have always done it. People have to discover this simple human capacity before they can find the felt sense. We have developed specific little steps for this difficulty, for example: "Put your attention in your right toe...now in your knee...can you find your knee without moving it?...now your groin...come up into your stomach, how is it in there? Warm and fuzzy, or how?"
Once people can sense the stomach and chest from inside, there is a further distinction, the really important one:
Ordinary bodily sensations are, for example, a belt that is too tight, or a pain, a stomach ache, sexual arousal, the heart pounding. These sensations are only bodily. The uneasy sense of a situation or problem is also there, in the middle of the body. (It may be positive: the opening-out sensation in the chest is the sense of some freeing event.)
The difference is that the ordinary bodily sensation does not contain an "of." The sense of your belt being too tight does not contain in itself the complexities and reasons why you tightened it. It is just the belt's pressure. However, a very similar bodily sensation of tightness may come in your stomach as your sense of a whole situation .That equally physical "tightness" is the felt sense of that situation. Implicit in it are more of the complexities of the situation, than you know or could think.
Most current body-work methods miss the felt sense because they work just with physical sensations, usually the peripheral muscles.
Emotions make bodily sensations, one's heart pounds and one coughs, spits, pants, yet the physical sense of the implicit complexity is not in those bodily sensations, nor in the emotion. The felt sense differs from both.
Another exact specification: in Gestalt therapy spontaneous images and emotions come from bodily attention without a felt sense. The person does not have a sense of the source, from which they come. That source does not itself come, as a datum. For example, imagery and words pop in while attending to tense shoulders. But there is no felt sense in the shoulders. Either before or after such spontaneous material comes, the person could, (but in Gestalt therapy usually does not) attend to the middle of the body, where a felt sense of the shoulder-tension and of the imagery could come.
The felt sense comes in the middle of the body: throat, chest, stomach, or abdomen.
The Difference Between "Denied Experience" and What Comes From a Felt Sense:
The body-sense of a situation (the felt sense) is always new, fresh, the way the body now has the problem. Some content from the past may come also, but the felt sense is always more, the new whole of the now.
This is very often misunderstood. Some therapists want the content to be about the present, the so-called "here-and-now". But past experience is always implicit in any present. Other therapists think nothing can come in a person except a re-living of some repressed past. But experience is always present. Reliving a past event is the present experiencing of it, fresh, now, and has the quality of the present interaction.
Therapeutic steps are not a re-emergence of denied experience. What matters most for change-steps is precisely the new implicit complexity of the bodily living. Of course the past is in it. But the felt sense of now is much more than the contents from the past, which may stand out.
Change steps can arise from the felt sense of reliving the past. They may not, if the past content alone is emphasized and the quality of the whole does not form as a datum.
Change-steps have amazing wisdom and creative novelty. They are nothing like mere emergences of the past. It may have seemed so, because past events are often dramatically part of a present therapy process. Also, in traditional theory all experience had to come from the outside. For example, imagination could only be some (perhaps scrambled) version of what was once seen or heard externally. Today we recognize the vast creativity of imagination, far beyond what could be made from external experiences. And the change-steps involve much more than imagination alone.
The change-steps on which therapy depends take account of more simultaneous requirements than one could ever think, let alone think simultaneously. The felt sense is that new whole from which such steps come.
Therefore we must emphasize the difference between denied past experiences, and the whole bodily sense of now. But that is often not there to be sensed. A person may have to be quiet and deliberately let that holistic sense come as a datum.
The Difference Between Feelings Inside a Problem and the Felt Sense of the whole:
Whether one attends to a whole situation or to some tiny aspect of it, the bodily felt sense of that will be a whole. This sounds contradictory, I know. But the bodily sensing of the smallest aspect of anything is an implicitly complex whole, not really smaller than the sensing of some large topic. It is always the whole bodily living of ...
This wholeness is a characteristic of the felt sense.
The usual feelings and emotions are only parts of a situation. With those feelings we feel inside a problem, surrounded by it, part of it. But if we become distant and "objective," we don't feel the problem at all. In ordinary experience there is no way to feel a problem as a whole we confront.
It may be only the left side of a nose, the when the body's living of that becomes a datum, it is sensed as "that whole thing."
Process steps are changes of that whole. The whole map changes. The step can not be located on the previous map.
The Difference Between Very Deep Relaxation and the Felt Sense:
Hypnosis and very deep relaxation have been found and discarded by Freud and many others since then. We must work with more than "consciousness" but not by narrowing or circumventing the conscious client.
The felt sense, which I also call "the edge of awareness" is the center of the personality. It comes between the usual conscious person and the deep, universal reaches of human nature, where we are no longer ourselves. It is open to what comes from those universals, but it feels like "really me." The felt sense and each small step comes already "integrated" and not as so-called "unconscious material."
The felt sense is always a freshly made unique living. Its inward coming is sensed as more truly "me" than the familiar feelings.
The reader may now check how well I have communicated up to now. Can you follow this specification?:
The most common sort of unhelpful inward activity today is not mere intellectualization or rationalization, nor even the same feelings over and over. Today the most common ineffective attempt to help oneself inside is what we now call "vivisection." One is very active "upstairs" in one's mind, drawing maps and attempting to understand one's trouble, thinking this, and thinking that, but instead of merely intellectualizing, one feels in one's gut every move one makes upstairs! Just about all these moves hurt.
Attending to These Hurts and Gut Feelings Generated by One's Own Cutting is Not Focusing, and Is Not to be Recommended!!
In the days when people were largely out of contact with their feelings, the map-making upstairs was mere intellectualizing. Now it is worse! That is your gut you are now cutting up, this way or that, as directed from your head.
The inward process we are specifying involves keeping quiet, and sensing the unease in the body, directly, whole as it comes, without putting ones maps, cuts, and distinctions on that. If you let your attention go directly to the bodily unease, you feel a little bit better.
Then let that make the map, let that sort itself into whatever parts or pieces it falls into on its own. But begin always with "that whole business" and not with anything you cut out of your living inside.
However well you think you have defined a problem, consider it as also undefined. Use what you have been calling it merely as a pointer, and call it "all that", whatever it may be and whatever may go with it, without first cutting it up and feeling the effects of this cutting.
Teaching the Client Role:
We began "teaching" the client how to find such a felt sense, many years ago when repeated research studies had shown that those who did not approach therapy in this way became failure cases. Today what we call focusing can be shown to anyone.
Then and now we teach listening (the therapist role) as well as focusing to the public. I am going to use some examples from the beginnings of such teaching, in order to pursue our question: What is that, from which change- steps come?
For example a client, (or a person to whom we were listening) is asked to check an empathic response. "Please don't just agree out of politeness. Is what was said back to you quite right?" But the person in the client role might check only the words: "Yes, that's what I said."
What exactly is wrong with that, as a reaction to a listening response? When therapy is effective, the client does something more with a listening response than just checking the words. What more?
What do we assume the client will do with a listening response?
We hope and assume that clients will check the response, not with what they said or thought, but with some more inner being, place, datum... "the felt sense," we have no ordinary word for that.
An effect might then be felt, a bit of inward loosening, a resonance . What seemed to be there was expressed and heard. It need not be said again. For some moments there is an easing, inside. (In theoretical terms the interpersonal response has carried that forward.) Soon something further comes. What "was" there turns out to have more to it.
We hope the clients will "check" not only what we say, but also what they say with that inward one. Thereby a distinction comes to be within the person: the usual self is checked with the felt sense.
Those research clients who are later successful, differ from failure cases in exactly this respect. It can be heard on the tape. After saying something, they often stop to check. For example: "I feel helpless... uhm... is that right?..." After a silence they might then say: "No... that's not right. Uhm... I can sense it, right there, but I don't know what it is. (Silence)...Oh, (breath)... whew, yes, it's... " as a large shift occurs. Or they might say: "...oh ... one thing about it is... " as some new facet came.
It turns out that the deliberately speaking client to whom we relate is not. The one to whom our responses are chiefly addressed! Rather we hope the speaking one will take our responses down to consult that other one, the felt sense. We hope the client will let that one speak, will wait for what comes from that one, will work to find words that "resonate" with, rather than interrupting, lecturing, or interpreting that one.
Here we discover a fascinating analogy:
The Client's Client:
In specifying the client's side of therapy process we discover a distinction within the person. This distinction is a strong corroboration of client-centered therapy.
The felt sense is the client inside us. Our usual conscious self is the therapist, often a crudely directive one who gets in the way of our inward client all the time. That therapist frequently attacks in a hostile way, or at least wants to use all the old information, claims to be smarter than the client, talks all the time, interrupts, takes up time with distant inferences and interpretations, and hardly notices that "the client" is prevented from speaking. That "directive therapist" hardly knows the client is there. That "therapist" starts without the client, as the old joke had it, and goes on indefinitely without the client.
Research shows that those clients succeed, who are client-centered with their felt sense.
Of course this is not a person within a person, but a certain kind of self-response process.
But it would be imprecise to call it being client-centered "with oneself." Rather, one needs the distinction within the person between the usual self, and the felt sense. The latter is exactly that part to which client-centered responses are directed.
From Plato to Freud people have distinguished different parts of the psyche. Here now arises a distinction which is best delineated in client- centered terms.
The Felt Sense is the Client's Client:
The client's attitudes and responses toward the felt sense need to be those of a client-centered therapist! And that is focusing. I can therefore specify focusing further, if you will consider some client-centered principles in this new way.
Here are some client-centered maxims which acquire a new meaning when applied internally, within one person.
Usually the felt sense does not even form and come, unless the inner "therapist" first gives attention and silent waiting time. The client's inner "therapist" (his conscious self) must shelve a lot of knowledge and surmise, must refrain from many interesting interpretations, and prefer instead to wait, silently, while for some time nothing much comes.
We find it hard to put aside all we know about ourselves and about the specific problem, so that we might hear what comes from the felt sense.
At first, our "directive therapist" often interrupts. Interpretations and inferences continue in our heads. We must "shelve" these again and again, so that we can listen to the felt sense.
What comes from a felt sense may at first seem less sophisticated than what we can think. If we receive and resonate that, soon what comes is more intricate and more correct than what we could think.
We learn that what comes from the felt sense has its own logic and its own good reasons, even if these are not immediately apparent.
We do not impose our values to give direction to the ensuing steps. On the contrary, we often learn through experiencing with the client, that some ways of living and feeling can be good, although our values seemed opposed. Now they don't conflict, and yet we didn't discard our values. The initial values play a role and are also altered in such steps.
We try to receive whatever comes from a felt sense. We let it be, at least for a while. We try not to edit it, change it, or immediately push it further.
Neither do we agree with what first comes from a felt sense. We know there will be further steps. We develop an attitude of welcoming whatever comes, even if it seems negative or unrealistic. We know that further steps can change it. Such steps can come only if we first receive and welcome what is now here.
Sometimes we have an idea, but we don't decide if it is right. We keep it tentative and consult the felt sense. If there is an easing, a resonance in response to what we propose, we attend to that till more comes from that.
Here I do not want to repeat the focusing instructions and the trouble-shooting specifics which were presented in a very detailed way in Focusing(Gendlin 1981). I would like to present the most recent work. Therefore what I can say here is not sufficient to enable people to find focusing for themselves.
We divided the focusing instructions into six "movements". We now find it essential to teach these parts separately, giving time and individual attention to each person with each part.
I will summarize these six and offer one or two new specifics on each.
- Just as we would not tell clients at the start of an hour what to work on, so also we don't let the internal directive therapist quickly set the topic. The client might spend a minute or two, scanning inwardly, sensing the various things that are there, only then choosing what to work on.
The first focusing movement, "making a space" was once a simple preliminary. Before actually focusing one took a kind of inventory of what was just now in the way of feeling good in the middle of one's body. To do this, one attends there and senses what, just now, is in the way of feeling good there.
For example one might find: "Oh... sure, my sadness about my breaking up with____ , yes, of course, that's there... (breath) and...oh, I have to call the dentist,...and...gee, I'm tired! Three or four, usually of very unequal importance, might happen to be what one finds. Each of these is greeted kindly, and "placed" somewhere in a space in front of oneself, one by one. In the center of one's body one feels some physical relief with each placing, even though these problems have not been focused on, only shelved. In this freed space one begins to focus on one of these, or on something else.
From this humble preliminary movement has developed, among other things a method of working psychotherapeutically with cancer patients. (Focusing Folio, Vol 2, #4, 1982, and Vol-, #- ,1983. ) It began because cancer patients were reputed to be characteristically poor at sensing their bodies from inside. It seemed a good clear research prediction that they would be unable to do the first movement of focusing. Instead, they could all make a space, and find the good bodily energy that comes then.
A new, more elaborate version of the first movement opens a vast space that has more kinds of significance than I can discuss here.
- In a very directive therapy the patients are often inwardly silenced. What would come in them, step by step, cannot arise, because these therapists do not intend what they say to be inwardly checked and corrected by the patient. Describing their therapy hour, such patients usually report "what my therapist says..."
Client-centered therapists (perhaps all effective therapists) intend what they say to be corrected by the client. Often what is not right in a response lets what is right suddenly arise more sharply in the client.
Inside ourselves, too, something can come distinctly to correct what we try to tell ourselves. For example, some little thing went wrong today. We tell ourselves " It's all right ...It doesn't matter ...soon I will have forgotten it... mature people don't get all upset about such trivia.... it's OK.... it's OK.... look at it this way...." and so on. Each of these things is contradicted by the discomfort which "talks back" and vividly corrects our attempts to think it away.
When a discomfort is already there, one can turn and attend to it. But often there are only the familiar feelings.
To let the felt sense come is the most difficult part of focusing. One specific way among others is based on the effect I just described. There is an irony in making use of this effect. Although knowing that there is a problem which is not "OK", one deliberately says, inwardly, "It's OK, the whole thing is all right. I'm quite comfortable about all that." Putting one's attention in the middle of the body, one usually senses, suddenly and vividly, the body talking back, giving one a much more distinct body-sense of that particular problem or situation. What an interesting effect this is!
A bodily sensation can come and talk back so as to correct wrong statements. The body can understand the words and knows the situation too. It can disagree with our words. In the theory section we will reformulate this in better terms.
A medium level of relaxation is needed for this bodily talking back. Most people spend the day with their bodies at maximum tension so they sense few variations in it. On the other hand, much relaxation prevents this bodily talking-back. In hypnosis, for example, the body actually gets comfortable when you tell it to do so. No felt sense will come to correct the words.
- Therapists can paraphrase most of what a client says, but are wise to keep crucially charged words the same. We might paraphrase a long story as merely "what they did". But if the client uses the word "apprehensive," we would not change it to "scared" or "worried" because then the client might lose hold of what that word right now brings. Such a word can be a "handle" helps to hold on to a whole suitcase.
In focusing, when a felt sense comes, one concentrates on its quality, and tries to find a handle-word for that quality. Just trying for a word helps one to stay with felt sense as a bodily sensation, rather than going into the familiar feelings and thoughts of the problem. Is it "jumpy" or more like "heavy"? Is it "flat" or perhaps "crowded" or "pushed back" or how? Might an image fit that quality? The most important function of doing this is to help stay with the felt sense. If nothing fits, call it "that quality."
- When a quality-word seems right, we "resonate" it, as in a client-centered response. We ask: Does this word (or image) really fit? The felt sense must answer.
The body's knowledge of words is surprisingly fine and demanding. A given quality-word resonates. Other words that seem equivalent are rejected by the body. If the felt sense stays static, if the word doesn't do anything, the word does not resonate. Try another. When a word or phrase or image fits, a slight but grateful physical effect comes each time you think the word (or freshly re-picture the image.)
With this physical effect the whole problem is loosened in the body. Now we advise doing it several times, not just once.
- How often as therapists are we happy we resisted making an interpretation that seemed so very right?.. A few moments later the client's directly sensed unclarity opens, and totally alters what the problem seemed to be. Often our interpretation was not even on the right topic.
That phenomenon happens also inside. One knows a lot about oneself, after all. And yet this holistic unclear felt sense "knows" more. When a step comes from it, one's whole map of some trouble changes.
Of course the felt sense cannot answer if it is not there, just now. Remembering it from a few moments ago is not good enough. Now, "Is the felt sense still there? Ah, there it is again." (If it does not come, try saying the problem is all solved...)
I have written about the felt shift as a flood of physical relief. But even a slight bit of "give" subtly changes the whole. That feels good when a problem has been stuck for a long time. When normally tense and mobilized, one might miss it. Monitor for bits of slight relief in the felt sense.
Pursue any thought, image, or anything that brings such a bit of relief.
- We do not argue with what comes in the client; call it unrealistic, selfish, or bad. We receive anything the client offers. We give it time. We don't instantly ask "And why is that?" or "What's the next step?"
he steps of change can only come from this. so we must let it be here for a little while.
Recently we alert people to notice how the inner "directive therapist" can rebut and obliterate what comes with a felt shift. This can happen so swiftly one might not notice. No sooner does something come with that characteristic shift or "give" inside than it is gone again!! What happened? Someone inside quickly said: "That's unrealistic, foolish, I can't afford it, that would be quitting, that can't be right."
This sixth movement, "receiving," needs separate teaching. With practice one learns to move old voices aside before they crowd out the physical sense of the shift. Instead, one can repeat whatever words came with the shift, sensing if they make that shift again. In this way the shift is there for a stretch of time. Let the old voices stand aside and wait. This is only a little step. I am making no decisions yet. This little step came only just now. Let me keep it for a little bit, and see more what it is.
In a minute there can be another round of focusing. But right now, let me see if I can sense this shift, over and over.
The scheme of these six is very helpful, but we do not rigidify it. Humans are vastly more complex and surprising than any scheme, let alone a simple one of six parts.
We give "split-level" instructions: "Try to apply our instructions as exactly as you can, but the moment they seem to do some violence in you, stop, don't run away, instead: see directly, what you have there." On one level, "please follow", and on another level, "please don't follow" the instructions.
After all, we are specifying and teaching the individual's own inwardly arising process. The split-level instruction is to find your process with our diagram, or where the diagram fails.
Very early in learning focusing most people come to a point where they laugh and say: "Oh, that was the trouble I was trying to 'do it right' and that got in my way." After this laugh, they know.
For example, a felt shift comes on our diagram at the fifth movement. In fact it can come any time. Of course you would receive what came.
Many therapists have found it very effective to teach focusing directly to their clients. Such didactics need to be clearly marked off from the regular therapy interaction.
Focusing During Therapy:
All these instructions can be used during psychotherapy, but in a certain way. This brings me to a wider principle.
There are many theories and many other useful avenues of therapy. All of them can be used on a client-centered baseline. By this I mean:
Whatever I say or do in therapy is instantly checked against the client's inward response. It means I rarely say or do two things consecutively without a client expression between. Then I respond in a listening way to whatever the client expresses, and again to what further comes. I always give priority to the client's own step. Whatever else I can do must wait.
That transforms the character of interpretations, instructions, and any other useful avenue of therapy.
I must swiftly discard whatever I tried if it did not help, so that it does not get in the way of the client's own process.
At first clients think they must explain why what I said was wrong. I often interrupt: "Oh, I can see I was wrong. Sense again how it is for you." Clients who work with me soon recognize that what I say is no statement about them but an invitation to them to sense inwardly. I often verbalize this at first: "But is that right...or how should that be said?"
Once people know that this is my intent, what I say wrongly is much less disturbing and swiftly discarded.
Even when helpful, other things must not replace listening too often. (That certainly includes focusing instructions.) Too many helpful interruptions block the client's own inwardly arising process, or worse, it will never arise. There need to be long periods when I purely listen and reflect.
How Focusing Transforms Talking:
Most people live in their talking as they talk. Especially in client-centered therapy clients are accustomed to "lay out" their problems and concerns. The attention is on what is being said. Focusing changes this. Whatever the client wants to do is still welcomed, including this kind of talking. But now the expectation is not that the laying out of the issue will do the job. Rather, the change-steps will come through inwardly sensing the edge. When that opens, the process moves.
This requires that client-centered responses point more precisely. Not enough is gained if the response is more or less right. A good response points and makes contact with that, from which the client spoke, rather than restating what was said.
When the client did not express an unclear edge, we can point to that. To do so leads to a number of specific response modes:
- Just saying a deeply felt spot over a few times, quietly and slowly, can help a person discover the broader bodily sense from which steps come.
- At times the therapist can say, "Lets be quiet for a moment, so you can sense all that." Or, if true, the therapist can say "Wait...I'm still feeling what you just said... uh... " These are ways of slowing the talking down so more can happen.
If the client then goes right on talking, we would respond as usual and not stick to some suggestion of ours.
- We can sometimes add to the content something like: "...and that is not yet clear" or "...and you don't know yet what that is" or "...and there is this sense there, that it could become different, but it's not clear yet how." People are socially accustomed to stop talking when they come to an unresolved edge. It often helps to refer to that edge as such.
- Even when no edge seems there, the client might find one if the therapist refers to one as if a it were there, a concretely sensed version of what was said.
For example: the client says: "I must not want to do this (get a job, meet new people, write an assignment) since when the time comes, I don't do it." A regular client-centered response might be: "you think you must not want to, since somehow you don't do it." A focusing-inviting response might be: "Something in you doesn't want to..", or "There's some sense of not wanting to...", or "When the time comes, somethingstops you.
Another example: Client: "I really think that's why I stay with him, it's because I need the security." A focusing type of response might be: "You're pretty sure it's for security, that sense there, of holding on to him.
Almost anything can be reflected with an implicit invitation to sense "it" as that, right there. If you tell me that you like this chapter I could reflect that you have a liking of my chapter there. You might then more directly find that datum, that sense, that place in you where you like it, that spot, that.
What I described here may seem only a grammatical form, and an awkward one at that. Better grammar can probably be devised. But there is a great difference between talking about, and pointing. Many clients talk about. Some of them can turn inward and attend directly, as soon as a therapist points.
- Focusing can be taught with occasional small-scale instructions.
Explicit didactic focusing-teaching is much swifter but it ought to happen in a time set aside for it, not in midst of an ongoing therapy process. But as single bits all the instruction can fit into, and aid the client's ongoing process.
All the instructions and specifics I have offered here lend themselves to being used, singly, at points where the client might use them. All focusing instructions and specifics can be used this way.
The client can ignore such single instructions. They do not disrupt one's regular way of responding. Whatever the client does or says can be responded to acceptingly.
We can explicitly invite the client to see if it is possible to find such a sense inwardly. One would add "Can you sense that now?" or "Can you feel that not-wanting, now?"
Or, "If you stay quiet inside for a minute, can you sense this not-wanting you think must be there?
Here are more examples: "If you thought right now of going to the newspaper to look for a job opening...what kind of feeling-quality would come in your body?"
Or, even: "Stop for a minute. I'd like to ask you something. Can you put your attention in the middle of your body? How is it in there right now? (The client says it is fine in there.) Now think of this whole thing about looking for this job... what comes in there? ...(facial expression)...OK, stay with that for a minute, gently."
It is often important to help people discover the bodily aspect of the unclear edge. Many people have never attended inwardly in the body in that way, and need a little while to discover it.
C: "I'm just so angry."
T: "your anger is right there."
C: "Oh, it's always there. I'm sick of that anger."
T: "Let's try something. Take that whole situation, all of it, more than you know, everything that goes with it, and kind of step back from it as if you were going to look at all of it, like a big picture that takes up a whole wall in a large building... What comes in your body when you do that?"
In this way the therapist can insert all the focusing instructions and specifics occasionally at points where a client who knows focusing probably would let an unclear felt sense come.
But whereas the pointing reflections can be made frequently, instructions, must remain occasional, if they are not to disrupt the client's ownership and inner impetus of the process. The therapist must not constantly make good things happen with instructions. There must be stuck and empty space and time for the client's inwardly impelled process to arise.
If the interaction becomes troubled, or if the client has feelings in relation to being instructed, this must instantly take precedence. Focusing- teaching can be tried again later.
T: Can you get that painful sense now, if you put your attention in your body and, very gently, just stay next to it?
C: I don't like it when you tell me what to do inside myself.
T: You don't like me directing inside you, and you want me out of there. Of course. I'll stop doing it.
C: But... uhm... I do want what you know about.
T: Oh, sure, I'll show you that method some time soon... You want me out of your space, but you don't want me to go away,... right?"